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Mary sat quietly on the sofa, tears welling up in her eyes. Bill, her husband of 46 years, died last week after a short illness, and Mary was overwhelmed by the prospect of life alone. I handed her a Kleenex and allowed her to share about feeling paralyzed around what to do next.
Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. As a financial advisor, I have the privilege of walking alongside my clients through life’s transitions, one of the most difficult being the death of a spouse. While each situation is unique, I recommend the following to a client who has just lost a spouse and is navigating a new life.
If possible, do not make any major financial decisions for at least a year.
Grief can feel like being in a fog. As a widow or widower, you will experience a cascade of emotions and feel disoriented for quite some time. If you can hold off on any big, irreversible decisions, it is best to wait until the dust has settled and you can think more clearly. Don’t immediately sell your house, purchase a vacation home, and start giving away lots of stuff. Take the time to process and begin thinking, when ready, about your future.
Review your cash flow and liquidity needs.
Prepare a list of your sources of income. This may include wages, social security, portfolio income, or a pension. Then, make a list of necessary expenses like mortgage or rent, home maintenance, utilities, groceries, gas, healthcare. Also, consider discretionary expenses, like recreation and entertainment, which are valuable investments in self-care during your grief journey.
Start to collect important documents and take notes during this transition period.
Create files for things like estate documents, tax documents, bills, and insurance. Also, take notes of any important conversations you have about financial matters. The fog you are in during the grieving process makes it difficult to remember conversations. Your brain is processing the trauma of losing the most important person in your life, and you simply can’t rely on your memory like you could in the past. Establishing an organizational system for important documents will be a worthwhile
investment of time and energy in the long-run.
Be aware of financial scams.
When you are newly widowed, it is normal to feel lonely and to be vulnerable. Unfortunately, ill-willed people who prey on vulnerable individuals do exist. Be vigilant about requests for money, whether it be from a charity or from someone posing as an employee of the IRS. Listen to your intuition, and do not hesitate to ask a trusted friend or advisor for a second opinion.
Remember that it is okay to feel adrift and insecure.
Grief is more tumultuous than it is linear. You will move forward, and then you will take steps backwards, all part of a process of settling into your new reality. Rely on friends and family to be a steady force and a voice of reason during this time.
There is life after loss.
Eighteen months after Bill died, Mary sat on the sofa in my office again, this time holding a photo album of a recent vacation she was excited to tell me about. Mary and Bill had gone on a themed cruise every year for 29 years until his death, and it was a highlight of their marriage. This year, Mary went back, and she took a girlfriend from college with her. She knew it would make Bill happy that she could still enjoy one of their favorite memories.
Losing a spouse is one of life’s hardest transitions, even if you knew it was coming, with the first year after losing a spouse being the most challenging. Life will never be the same, but you will not feel the way you do today forever. Be kind to yourself, take things slowly, and surround yourself with others who can support you during this time.
